intention to transform

We have to change to survive. Like it or not, change will happen to you and all around you; what will you do with it?

Transform

Change everything you touch. Transform yourself, and see how everyone around you is suddenly transformed. Transform your fear into strength, your confusion into clarity, your judgement into love. Transform your relationships with your parents, your children, with the universe. Transform your thoughts into action, your ideas into reality. Transform that dark and dingy back room into a light and airy writing space. Transform your bedroom into a serene and sacred temple. Now transform yourself into the goddess who lives there. Transform that old beaten-up green truck into a place where magic dwells. Transform two carrots, some leftover noodles, half an onion, and a few drops of olive oil into dinner for three. Transform these simple words into a prayer for transformation.

--Rachel Snyder

A New Year- my musings

Wow, it has been a long time since I blogged- maybe I should resolve to stay on top of this! Since my last blog, I have become a mother! My whole life has been turned upside down, and I am loving every second of it. On one hand, my patience has grown (I have started baking for heaven's sake!) while on the other hand I have developed this extreme sense of guilt. Even as I write this, my mind is streaming all of the things that I should be catching up on; this blog could become a long to do list.

This week has been less than productive, it is only wednesday and I have not taught 3 of my normal classes. (Doesn't that already sound like a guilty statement?!) I have become very aware of the struggle that many new mothers deal with, the adoration of my child (he's perfect!) and the love of my career (and students). How do I nurture both a) without feeling depleted, b) while serving my dharma, c) ensuring connection- community with students and bonding with my son, d) having me time/time to be still and reflect... e) getting work done around the house (this includes wedding planning) and very importantly f) having quality time with David, the incredible man in my life. This is where my personal practice is most important.

SO, in light of a new year, it is time to get organized. Now, as a Virgo, I adore order. However, I have been a very fly by the seat of my pants-procrastination inspires me-make a decision at the last moment-let's see what happens type of gal. In the current roles that I play in this game we fondly refer to as life, this style of decision making and living is no longer serving me, oh but it is so hard to let it go! Certainly I will continue to "go with the flow" when I am in a situation that I have no control over....am I really capable of scheduling things *gasp* a month in advance?! I am open minded about it- and positive.

Ultimately, we set these resolutions and goals for ourselves that can be so self limiting. Or we have these ideas and belief systems that confine us to what we think we should be but what would happen if we got a little more organized AND took ourselves out of the box. Wipe the guilt off of our snotty little noses, became more honest with ourselves and everyone else about expectations and forgiveness. This year, let's commit to resolutions and a change of mind. While aiming high, be gentle- take one breath at a time and sustain your energy and commitment to growth. When you get tired, rest and when you've rested too much light a fire under your rear. But change your perspective and be truthful. 2011 will be great- I can feel it!

Summer Happenings!

Upcoming Workshops and Events

What: Vichara: A meditation and reflection
Where: Yoga Pearl - NW 10th and Davis
When: June 26th 2:00-5:30pm
Cost: $40 before June 19th/ $50 week of
For more information visit:
http://www.yogapearl.com/a-workshops/010-laurenvicahara.pdf


What: Kids Yoga Camp for kids 4-8
Where: Where: Yoga Pearl - NW 10th and Davis
When: July 8, 15, 22, 29
Cost: $50 pre register for all 4 or $15 drop in each
For more information visit:
http://www.yogapearl.com/a-workshops/010-kidsyogacamp2.pdf


Live in North Portland and want more yoga in your life?!
Please check back for information on Yoga in the North Portland Parks!!!

I teach individual private lessons, Yoga in the workplace and group privates with 2 or more people. I will also teach at special events, parties or conferences. If you have an idea, let's work together to make it happen!
Please contact me: Sculptedlotus@gmail.com

Fear.less.yoga

Yoga has made me fearless. Not to say that I have no fears, I just fear less. I used to approach each day holding my breath anticipating the pinch, the poke, the stumble, thus manifesting more pinching, poking, and falls. I talked less fearing what others would think and thought more creating judgments about the people who would judge what I was thinking. I was afraid to make friends, scared that I would be exposed by them then our trust broken and another shattered relationship on my resume of life. What I didn't realize is that this will happen whether you hide or not, we all change and can't predict where our friendships will go when growth takes over.

My practice deepened and so did my awareness, when I was in the pain I could watch it and when I was through the pain, I still thought of what it was like but I began to focus more on the moment and what kind of joy it contained. I started to call myself out, "why are you having these thoughts," or "Lauren, you don't even know this person." This in no way makes me perfect, I've just woken up. It is not easy work.

I have done plenty of things that I would not brag about, things that I could make excuses about, "that was out of character," or "I wasn't in my right state of mind," or "that was not a mindful decision..." Sure we make 'mistakes,' we hurt other people, occasionally we break trust in some fashion or another, but without doing what I have done, without going where I have gone I would not have nurtured my ability to forgive and to love unconditionally. It is at this point that those we have cultivated relationships with are either there loving unconditionally along side us, practicing forgiveness or they bail.

I still hurt at times, but everything is way more simple than I ever thought it was before. I am brought back to the first tactic of analyzing scenes in a play, "Where is the love in this moment?" Ultimately that is what it all comes down to. Courage is the ability to see your fear and bring yourself back to the present moment; finding the love and the joy of each second. Even if it is simply the delight in your ability to feel pain.

"We have fallen down again tonight,
In this world it's hard to get it right,
Trying to make your heart fit like a glove,
What it needs is love, love, love...
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be loved."

"Happy is the heart that still feels pain,
Darkness strains and light will come again,
Swing open up your chest and let it in.
Let the love, love, love begin."

--Ingrid Michaelson

Open up.

Life changes so rapidly. We are in one place and time seems to be dragging on and then we are somewhere else all of the sudden. Hang on and enjoy the ride. Keep your eyes open so you don't miss anything. Learn from the "great times" and the "trying times." Open your heart to receive the lessons of life- easy and tough. This will all be over before you know it.

when is enough?

We sit around and daydream about more, enough, or something else. We are all we ever really need. We hear opinions and allow them mold us or destroy us, why do we give them so much power? We seek money, love, peace and attention when we already are the most important thing in our own world. We are the wealth, we are the abundant source of love and infinite fountain of peace. It is these opinions in conjunction with our ego that fogs the lens of our mind's eye, clouding our judgement and sending us to external comfort. It is here that we get lost, hiking deeper into book after book, shopping spree after shopping spree, class after class or from comfort food to comfort food. When it gets so cloudy life is jaded and dull. There is no attention outward that is of any positive notion because there is no attention inward. We waste days, weeks, and months sprinting around in avoidance of what is really going on. We turn off our ability to hear. To speak. And at the unfortunate expense of ourselves and others our innate ability to love is ceased and guarded. We are just too lazy and scared to look inside to truly see what is going on. We speak to ourselves in the harsh tones of lectures and criticisms; screaming that we are never enough and can't do anything right. When is enough enough when we have the mindset that there could always be more?? Soften. Speak kindly to yourself. You are everything that you have been seeking for so long.

Backflips

Here I am teetering on the edge of effort and surrender. I am being tested quite a bit as of recently. I know it is good for me but there is that little, ok rather LOUD voice in my head screaming at me to resist. Welcome to the ego. I stretch my hips and they get tight again. I rinse my shoulders and they get sore again. I meditate, but my mind once again entertains itself with thought after tension enhancing thought. When did my ego get so big?! I don't remember the incessant chatter being so loud. Now I am questioning if I am taking on too much or just taking everything way too seriously. But if I don't take it seriously, will it ever get accomplished? Am I complaining right now?

So- here I sit wondering what to do next. Practice, meditate, or work more.....