Forgiveness: A Practice and A Playlist

A lot of our fear arises out of our obstinacy surrounding forgiveness. Carrying guilt, shame and grudges weigh heavier on our spirits than it punishes the individual that we are intending to hurt. This is where the practice of ahimsa or nonviolence comes into play. Even the aggression of our thoughts and egos can create dis-ease in our bodies and brains. Like most humans, I find it most difficult to forgive myself; whether it be something small like leaving the almond milk out on the counter or something larger like hurting a friend or loved one. I carry guilt and shame which then creeps out of my thoughts and into my physical body. When I am feeling most violent in my thoughts, I get dark circles under my eyes, an upset stomach and I become excessively tired. I make up stories of how I should be punished and someone should find me and make me pay in some form or another. I have also held long standing grudges against people I have claimed to love judging them for a way that they made me feel, the time they abandoned me or took something from me making me feel like a small person and so on and so forth. 

I began to write letters. This is an ongoing process- you will never write one letter or one list and expect that everything will be fixed. I write letters to myself asking for forgiveness because of... and I am very detailed and descriptive about my emotions and the way that I physically feel when I hold grudges. I also write letters to people forgiving them, even if it is the old man who flipped me off in traffic or the friend who ditched me on my birthday. I write a detailed description of how they made me feel and how the violence has invaded my thoughts and hurts me more than them. 95% of the time I don't even deliver my letters. I write them in my common-place-book and read them over and over again until I experience a full range of emotions around the words and then that is all they are. A simple clutter of words, on a page, in a book that I will have forever and hold very dear to my heart. I still get angry sometimes, upset, frustrated and judgemental; I am human. Some situations take more work than others. We are forever learning about ourselves this is a lifelong process to clean our spirits and start over with healthier, more loving thoughts. 

I made this playlist with just that in mind. I hope that you have enjoyed it and that you will find enlightenment through your forgiveness!

The Heart of the Matter- India.Arie

Amazing- Josh Kelley

Come On Get Higher- Matt Nathanson

One Step Closer- Michael Franti and Spearhead

On My Mind - Kalai

Gotta Have You- The Weepies

You Found Me (Acoustic Version) - The Fray

One Of Those Days - Joshua Radin

Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

Cannonball- Damien Rice

The Well (Demo)- A Fine Frenzy 

I Can't Help Falling In Love- Ingrid Michaelson